Why I Stepped Back from a Joint Account in my Marriage
When my husband and I got married many years ago, we decided to open a joint account where both of our salaries would be paid. We believed it would strengthen our bond as a couple and make managing our finances easier. At the time, we didn’t stop to consider important factors like our individual financial habits, relationship dynamics, or the different family background and needs, we each came from.
Over time, I began to feel trapped. I couldn’t always use my salary in the way I wanted. One particular incident made this painfully clear.
My mum was robbed one day, and she sent her driver to inform me. After he left, I wanted to give him some money to take back to her—but I couldn’t. My sister-in-law, who is older than my husband and very educated, happened to be visiting. She noticed I was upset and asked what was wrong. I told her the whole story, adding that the worst part was not being able to send any money to my mum.
She looked at me and asked, “But you’re working, how come you don't have any money?” I explained that my husband (her brother) and I shared a joint account, and he had told me there was no money available at the time. Without hesitation, she advised me to reconsider the arrangement.
I didn’t know how to bring it up with my husband, so I suggested a compromise: we would each contribute 10% of our earnings to the joint account while keeping our individual salary accounts separate.
I’m sharing this experience for the benefit of young women who might find themselves in similar situations—especially if they feel financially powerless to handle personal matters. A joint account can make it easier to manage shared expenses like rent, utilities, and groceries, and it can promote transparency in a relationship. But if not handled with clear boundaries and understanding, it can also lead to frustration and conflict.
